Where were you?

Maybe I’m just petty in my assessment of the situation. Then again, maybe my reaction is spot-on and I’m, yet again, shown the true nature of people.

It would be an understatement to say the last 4-5 years have been difficult. I experienced my first major meltdown as an Aspy, I lost a dear friend, I got traded up by a girl I thought I had a future with, went through withdrawals from several drugs that were used to treat a misdiagnosis of Bipolar II disorder, and was re diagnosed as having Asperger’s syndrome at the age of 30, ten years after a barrage of tried and failed drugs, depressive episodes, and uncontrollable anxiety.

My brain is struggling to wrap my head around this because, yet again, I feel as a great disconnect between what people say and what they do. I do not have much to go on but the words people speak and my attempt at ascertaining the meaning of their actions which may mean my reaction is flawed. At the same time, there’s this kind of fire kindling in my abdomen over recent events.

It’s tough feeling like the outside of a large group of people who swear you’re included. They talk to your face like you’re one of them, etc. Yet, when the world comes crashing down, where are they? With the help of God and myself I have survived the last 4 years with a few interloping friends and maybe one consistent friendship throughout that time. So, where the fuck are the rest of you? Love one another seems like such a farce right now and I’m struggling with it. I’m not angry. I’m glad someone who needed help got help and you’re all being supportive.

Where were you when my world caved in time and time again?


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