Out of Focus

I used to be one of the most punctual people I know. In fact, I was usually early to almost everything.

Something is different.

For starters, I have had to rush, speed and run to make it to my morning class on time. My professor is fairly sympathetic because he knows a lot about my health issues and sleep issues and so on and so forth. The class is at 9 AM which, honestly, not that bad. The real killers were the 8 AM classes because I had to drive the 15 miles to campus through traffic and I would have to get up at 6:30 just so I could leave on time. There’s less traffic at 8:30 than 7:30 but it’s just as much fun to try and wake up at either time. One hour does not make that much difference.

I feel distracted.

Have you ever had one of those days where you’re leaving when you realize you forgot to grab something? That’s been happening to me for the last week or so, multiple times daily. Or I have serious impulse control issues. I have to check my fantasy team, or my e-mail or something which eventually leads to me checking other things which kills a lot of time that I need to get ready or gets me far too close to the time for me to leave to be somewhere.

I can’t focus like I used to.

I was in Greek where I was asked to read and translate a sentence from our workbook. Every time I’d try and do it someone would say something and I’d have to respond or check on them. It was impossible for me to focus on the topic at hand to the point the professor even said something. I never used to be like that. In fact it’s got me wondering what these new drugs or stopping the one prior has done to my brain. Ideally, it’s just a phase but it’s getting cumbersome.

All this sort of compounds when I’m trying to go to work. I have to go directly from school to work so I make it there on time. I get caught up in conversation with the school mom who works in student services and talk to her about the Packers, or talk to my Greek professor about why I’m struggling with his class or we talk about punk rock and Henry Rollins. At least once I was an hour late because of this. Truth is, I really don’t care that much but I’d rather be able to keep my job until I leave the state for a while.

I’m praying God will give me the focus I need to get through this. Or put the right things in my life that will help me with it.


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