The Poison that it Is

I’ve been trying
I mean, when I tell you
I’ve been trying I mean
I’ve been REALLY TRYING
Not to write with words of
anger lately but it seems that’s
all my fingers seek out
on this keyboard
that I’m banging on.

You see, these last few days
have been really stressful
and a lot of stuff that
doesn’t belong to me has been
bestowed upon my shoulders
and so I’m carrying it
as best I can like Atlas
better not shrug against
the weight or else he’ll drop it
and the stuff is actually important
just heavy, so I don’t want to
be the one responsible
for dropping it
and breaking it
Broken

Like the things I want to break
SO BAD in my head I just
put my grip to it like a glass bowl
and shatter it against
the side of the house after I
accidentally ran it over with the
lawnmower at my old house.
Instead I take my pen
and write a few thousand words
describing the flame and fire
of my experience
and the injury of which I
wish I could visit upon the bodies
of those that I
perceived have wronged me

No one EVER ASKS ME
how I’m taking it and I’m sick of it
but no one really wants to hear it
that’s why I’m dictating this hate-speech
to this page rather than letting it rip
in someone’s ear.
I know I shouldn’t be angry
because it’s like committing murder
in my head
but sometimes it’s a lot easier
to run someone over with
a lawnmower using your imagination
Haha…

I’m not sure if the old cliche is true
that the pen is mightier than the sword.
I can think of a lot of nasty ways to use a pen
that would probably hurt a lot but not kill someone
like I feel like I want to
Though I did learn from watching
John Cusack in Grosse Pointe Blank
that I could jab a pen in someone’s neck…
But it’d be so much easier with a sword
as long as it’s not to heavy to swing
And why am I even thinking about
stuff like this.

GOOD CHRISTIANS shouldn’t entertain
the idea of VIOLENCE towards their own
But there’s a barrage of imagery battling its way
from the back of my mind quickly
to the front lines.
And I’m tired of being angry and I though this might
help me out a little bit
but I feel like I’m chumming the waters
and the sharks are surfacing looking for
fresh wounds and wounded to rip to shreds
in my head.

OH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT
the sun has SET and my anger
still sits here like a full sized lioness
curled up in a really big rocking chair
waiting for me to feed her that prey
that I’ve been wounding all day
and I’m praying I’ll find justice
for those that wronged me
but right now I’m thinking more
of Genesis 9:6 and
not so much the New Testament
grace and mercy

WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP
TELLING ME I NEED TO FORGIVE
FOR FIVE SECONDS WHILE
I TAKE A BREATH AND TELL YOU
THAT MY ANGER IS JUSTIFIED?
NO?
Then I’ll politely ask you to leave
because I already know
I’ve screwed this up and anger is something
I should let leave me quickly
And slow to get at me.
Normally, I’m geared that way
but I’ve been treated like someone else’s garbage
and I’ve cleaned up more
than my fair share
with the knowledge I’ll probably
never get repaid
and so I think I’ll just sit here
smoke my cigarette
and let it seep from my pores
like the poison that it is.

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