Nobody, Not Even the Rain

Sometimes, I want to express how I feel and most times I will write them down and post them here.  But my mind is far too tired to come up with anything.  But I came across the lyrics to a song I’ve heard a million times over the last month, maybe two.  But I actually listened to them and they resonate well.

[Lord, I am tired.  I ask you for piece and comfort in a time where my heart is not the strongest.  Please sustain me and strengthen her, provide her wisdom and discernment in all things she encounters.  I am learning your timing in all of this and so I am trying to humbly get out of the way.  But it aches to the very depths of my marrow some days and I think this song sort of sums it up.  In the name of the one who laid down His life that we might live to love, serve and honor you, Jesus Christ.  Amen]

Nobody, Not Even the Rain
La Dispute

I know that someday you’ll be sleeping, darling
likely dreaming off the pain.
I hope you’ll hear me in the streetlight’s humming,
softly breathing out your name.
I know that even with the seams stitched tightly,
darling scars will remain.
I say we scrape them from each other, darling,
and let them wash off in the rain.
And when they run into the river,
oh no, let the water not complain.
I swear that even with the distance,
slowly wearing at your name,
Your hands still catch the light the right way
and our hearts still beat the same.

Out of sheer randomness I got a brand new notebook from my friend Kiona as part of a late birthday present.  What if I kept track of everything you missed.  The thoughts I think but can’t share with you?  I thought in my head many times how hard it will be to wait to share everything that’s happened just in the last couple of days.  Are my thoughts worth the paper?  Would a journal of things I wish I could say but can’t for obvious reasons be of any worth?  I never know what to do with notebooks.  I write in them diligently for a time then forget them.  But this one is special and I want to keep it that way.  And the only thing I could think of was to use it as a means to talk to you.  God is sustaining me and guiding me through this but it would be nice to have a friends’ ear even if you won’t hear it for quite some time.

My mind isn’t right or straight right now.  I’m tired and I spent some time listening to Type O Negative and reading Henry Rollins books.  It was that kind of night.  But I am making it and that is all I can ask for.

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