I’ll feel better in the morning

I couldn’t tell you how it started I
couldn’t tell you how it began
but it seems to me this track is
replaying, repeating inside this
trapped brain that screams for relief.

I want to run.
Unhindered and unchained,
let me see the inside of the outside
with these wild eyes
stinging with tears
as I scream
I scream until my lungs bleed
and continue to be until I feel
I no longer need ’em.

I can’t
breathe.
My eyes won’t
focus
my legs won’t mend or bend
to lift me up and away from
myself.
I don’t expect you to understand
This is a context, a country a continent
you have never seen.

If no man is an island
then the water around me
isn’t really there
but I think this man
is an I-land
an eye-land
Where only I see what’s
happening
and only through
dark lenses because
sunlight is a hazard
I am not here for your sympathy
or empathy
I just want you to
understand.
Maybe I want
to understand
the rhythm these ghosts
in my head dance to
because there is no
rhyme or reason to their
appearance.
They will haunt me always
and I must at least
understand this.

Right now, all I see is
everyone else
and then me.
I am a dark beacon
among the broken legions
I am invisible and silent
like the winds off the tides
that I’ve never felt.

I try not to mourn for myself,
My chin does not know the direction
down.
But the supports that prevent collapse
bend sometimes.
Held strong with the thought
things will be better in the morning…
I promise.

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