A Premature Eulogy

father,
in my dreams
i saw your empty home
i knew you had died
someone told me i think
i searched your belongings
random papers in trailer house
scattered on cheap carpet
you weren’t home
and i knew you never would be again
and a chorus of plastic angels
sang a familiar tune
that’s escaped my memory.
and when I awoke,
a reaction I did not expect.
Tears stained rivers on my cheeks.
I had told myself over and over
that your death would be
inconsequential.
But perhaps that you are lost
and you are still a man,
still human,
no matter how much
I invalidate that in my mind
sometimes.
I never thought I’d shed a tear
because of you again.
I’m old and I am passed
your decade-long silence
and your
inexcusable absence.
But there is still
something
there…

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