Finding Peace

While I think this relates to something very internal, I felt I would share these two pieces with you.  There is a lot of time, emotion and conversation between these two pieces.  They were written about or for someone in particular.  I hope she understands.

This first one I thought was just a work in progress.  But I realized that it stands on its own so I will leave it as is.  Going back and adding usually ends very poorly for me.

I can still feel the grass at

my back, avoiding the

stare of the sun as I

spilled myself outward

and inward and all over

the face of the autumn sky.

It doesn’t feel like fall

out there

but I can feel it

in here

Where I begin to hide myself

among the waves of

unharvested crop

wind-weaved and swaying.

Yet you’ve found me.

Found me out again.

My eyes close

relaying memories kept

at arms length

that tell me to keep you there too.

Because you have every reason

to pick up and run.

[And here I thought we were talking about you.]

But you embrace me like the

autumn sky: in

its electric blue, cloudless

This one I just wrote today and it comes straight from the gut, the heart and a pen.  I tried my best to put everything away in this one long line of words.  It probably still doesn’t do it justice.

Dear child-like,

this letter comes to you

as you have me feeling

childish.

I’m spilling this ink across the altar of this page

because sacrifice makes for the best

full-hearted poetry.

And I’m offering it to you

with these broken hands

leading this pen in

a dance to communicate

with the elements

to make it rain again.

The fire that welled within me

died.

And I’m left colder than the air

that struck me on my exit

as I violently shoved that door

to the outside.

I was cold…

I was cold and you

were the one left shivering,

shaking from the heartpains.

I promise it was not my

intent to shatter you that way

but glass is something I’ve

put my fist against before

without thinking

and I’ve been reduced to shards

myself.

So, I know how the pieces

go back together when

it all hit the ground again.

So, I will

help you reassemble and move on.

Hopefully, lend a helping hand

so you can stand and

face the sun again

and smile.

Because it’s always warmer

when you do.

And I know you’ve

seen me mirror this

reflex and

even sometimes

shed my stone face

of my own volition

just watching you in action,

as you skip down the pavement

covered in the cracks

I’m used to staring at.

And as we

unearthed our own personal

graveyards, we refrained

from throwin’ tombstones

and from crackin’ open

coffins.

Because we’ve both seen

too many bodies,

but can’t seem to escape the ghosts.

So we exorcise each other

and leave the demons to the void.

We hold polygraph parties to detect

and erase the lies we tell ourselves.

I will burn the results with

the bones after we throw ’em

(Because we don’t care to read ’em.

It’s all a matter of metaphor anyways)

So, while I may have

blasted through my boiling point

today

I am far from breaking or buckling

for our God has given me the heart

of strength to follow you through this

no matter what shoes

I may be standing in,

or where I’m positioned:

In front of you,

burning bright to light your path

when the way gets too dark to see.

Or behind you,

showing the fires of Hell at your heels

someone else who’s been tested by them

and can testify the truth of the matter,

that we can only be tested and not consumed,

merely shed impurities as the

heat in the kitchen increases.

Or at your side, looking forward

giving our backs to the darkness

as its fingers grip our shoulders

kicking’ dust up in its face

as our pace maintains,

our strength gained as we are enveloped in the light.

Let us now lace our fingers in prayer

for the heart to make the decision right

and to fear not the consequences

because we’re not alone

no matter where we are

and we never will be.

So, to be in each other’s

company is merely a gift

of breathed-out divinity

that reaches far beyond

the curves of these

words or my pen

or my hand as I draw out

an order of words to try

and encapsulate…

but I cannot contain Him

so, I won’t.

Let us pray,

and pray from the heart out

to give us strength.

Because while others may run

I’ve been told to stay

sometimes to stay silent.

And from my prayers comes this,

the most important of all:

My heart is one of quick forgiveness,

and what wounds I may have

can be healed in the passing of a moment

and so can yours if you can learn these two words

that hit me before I knew you

(But not too much before, Child-like):

Let.Go.

Sincerely,

PitchBlack Sunshine

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4 thoughts on “Finding Peace

  1. Dear PitchBlack Sunshine [though I prefer just Sunshine :)],

    1) Being in your company is truly a gift that I hope I never lose. 2) I love to see you smile and laugh, even if it’s because you’re laughing at me and my redonkulousness. 3) Thank you for not running. I won’t either.

    You may hate me for this because it’s incredibly cheesy and child-like *gasp* even for me, but I heard this today and I thought of you. The words have fresh meaning to me now:

    Sunshine, my only Sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. Oh do you know dear how much I love you? Please don’t take my sunshine away.

    What you’ve written speaks so much peace to me. On the wings of a dove, no less. I hope and pray that you will have it too. I’m sorry I can’t be yours right now, as much as I’d like to be. I have to be His first. I’m sorry for everything.

    Love Always,
    Child-Like

  2. jeremiah.
    i want to enfold myself in the beauty of these words. they seem to mesh so well together to create a soft blanket of honesty and heart. i asked for something to really stir up my senses and you came through. i wrote a new note today on facebook i would like you to read. you will know why.
    amber

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